Handbook: "The Turkish/Kurdish limp Syndrome"...

Growing up in and around London as a Turk/Kurd you learn a thing or two about gangsters.

If you have watched The GodFather, Pulp Fiction, Goodfellas and Scar Face then you should have a stereotypical yet slightly accurate view on what gangsters are like (I could be wrong, i've never met a gangster)...

They tend to look like this...

However, if you add a little of the black people type attitude (such as kissing your teeth), combined with some weed, bad (VERY) bad English and the Middle East mentality then my dear reader, this little cocktail results in what I believed to be the Turkish/Kurdish Limp Syndrome.

In order to achieve this look follow my handbook...

Start off by wearing your jeans just low enough for us women to see what your underwear looks like...
(Did you know that Prison inmates used to do this as an invitation for anal sex?)

This is pretty much the sort of pose you should aim to achieve in all your facebook photos...DON'T FORGET TO LOOK ANGRY AND POUT!

When posing in pictures with friends try to make out the letters that represent your postcode with your fingers to mark your territory...

Now girls, don't forget to pose in mirrors with your Blackberrys...and for the love of god DON'T FORGET TO POUT!

You need to start swearing alot more too, but focus on the Turkish ones...they make a true impact...

Buy a Blackberry and advertise your BB pin E.V.E.R.Y.W.H.E.R.E...

Girls, you need to start wearing more cheap Primark plimsoles
Boys, anything Nike or Mckenzie goes to be honest...

Now, my personal favourite trend in girls are these particular hairclips. I use them to section my hair out when styling, but these girls tend to wear them as a daily look on the side of their heads...

Adopt a new name.
Boys add something like "Santana", "Montana" or "Coreleon" to your name. Or my personal favourite "Sanane"...
Girls, you wanna seem sexy so try adding "licious" to your names...
Or shorten your name by spelling out the first letter of your surname.
Example;
Ceren Bahtiyar = Ceren Bee

I realise that this isn't the whole list but these are the main points that will help you spot a Turk/Kurd in London.

Let me know how it goes, and please e-mail me any pictures.

Peace out.

P.S Don't contact me bitching about how stereotypical or mean i'm being...
I won't care...
I'll enjoy the attention.

Narcissistic Schizophrenic.

Dear Işkın,
A lot has changed; a lot keeps changing, and a lot more is out of my control. I've indulged in things that go against our principals, I’ve indulged in people that go against our principals, I’ve indulged in emotions and thoughts that were once never even a part of our character, and the mouldy cherry on top of this very rotten pile of a cake filled with fermenting fruit is that I have indulged in a new personality.
I'm having doubts about exactly how "new" this personality is because it seems to be that I have only just recycled every bad thought I’ve ever had and allowed it to surface, manifest and take on a whole new life of its own to become this character that is sat by her laptop typing this.

I can't help but wonder what you must be thinking of me. Are you disappointed? Are you proud? Would you even be happy? Or are you still scared?

September 2007.

I’m sat here writing this because it haunts me. Not even like a shadow, at least a shadow is quiet. You scream, yell, cry, scream some more, hit, punch and scream even more. Sometimes it’s not even in my head, I feel you scratching at my ribs, my heart and my throat to get me to admit it. If I say what you want me to say and if I hear what you want me to hear then I’m scared of where it will lead me. Silencing you is eating at me and if you haven't noticed...who you were is now just a character doused in acid. Slowly, but surely you will erode and dissolve and take me down with you because with or without you I’ll burn.

I have so much to lose that I’m paralysed, but I only became this way because YOU had so much to lose. You could have said "no". Instead you said "yes" and chased after a fantasy that shattered your lace coated life and clipped those angelic wings that were once nailed to you when your red horns began to grow, your true revolting colours began to show and the devil inside became the devil on the surface.

It's my turn now to say "yes" to all the things you once refused.

I didn't become this way, so before you begin to pity me or think me weak just remember that I was born this way. Mum used to buy our shoes a size too big so that we could grow into them and wear them for another year. Like those shoes, who I am now was too big for you; you've grown into it because you’re stronger now, you have become me. So don’t ever forget, my catastrophic mistakes now are only the offspring of the disaster you caused.

You are my cancer.

Yours Sincerestly

Ceren.

The Istanbul Music Scene

What comes to mind when you hear the word "holiday"?

One can only presume that it's lazing around on sunny beaches with a Mojito in one hand while with the other hand you draw circles in the warm sand with your finger tips as you give yourself skin cancer for a tan that will only last you a month. If that doesn't float your boat then I'm going to appeal to all American films and suggest drinking hot chocolate by a crackling fire, high up in the mountains where you make the occasional skiing trip in the cushion like snow. Sorry, the literature here is terrible because I can't be bothered to emote you today.

Moving on, my holiday this year consisted of me making a two week trip to what I consider to be the most beautiful city in the world, Istanbul. 2 years ago if I had mentioned Turkey to any of my non-Turkish friends, women in black sheets, men with 3 wives, 7575 children and 9867587 grandchildren along with forced marriages came to mind...lets not forget the incest. However, that doesn't appear to be the case anymore. I won't go into detail because i'm slowly getting bored of trying to get to the point. ANYWAY, it wasn't the City or the progression in Turkey that caught my attention, it was the music scene.

So here's my list of musicians who (for me) define the Istanbul Music Scene...

Athena

Hayko Cepkin

Can Bonomo

Dengesiz Herifler

Duman (I was very lucky to be able to meet these guys when they did a gig here in London, and let me tell you...they're quite simply something else)

Halil Sezai

ZagaBand

Yasar Kurt

I could go on and on and on if I wanted, but these guys have their own playlists on my iPod because they've made or could potentially make such an impact on this new and upcomming scene.

For anyone who may recognise any of these artists, I know that some of them are also very mainstream yet others...i'm guessing 1% of the Turkish Population know of them. Check them out for a musical orgasm.

Peace x

Honesty is such a bitch.

I’ll be honest.

I never really understood the whole “Blogging Scene”. I remember starting this blog back in January because everyone else was doing it much like Facebook and Twitter. I’m a sucker for conforming, then hating myself for not ever trying to stand up for what I believe in. Anyway, I found my views evolving within the space of 9 months as I slowly entered a darker side to my personality and everything that once made me “me” became a patchwork of people, moments, and icons that began drifting in and out of my life. “Get to the point!” I here you say…ok, I imagine you think, because no one speaks to a monitor. The point my dearest reader is that I needed a place to express an emotion, feeling, thought or theory. Yes, I accept and have foreseen that I could easily just write a diary but for some reason, knowing that someone might actually read this motivates me to write. I needed a place to document myself so that this newly found version of “me” is like a checkpoint. If I ever make the mistake of doing what it is that I have been doing for the past 9 months again I can come back to this post and see that I was that obnoxious little girl that I once was and SHOULD always be.

I realise that what you have read until now, apart from my “Teeny Bopper Syndrome” and “men with bad hair” post (which, might I add, had entertained quite a few people in Potters Bar when it was written) may sound a little apocalyptic, annoying and any other word associated with a brat. It isn’t because I’m sat here trying to provoke some sort of emotion within you or make myself sound ow-so-cool, it’s because I’m having a conversation with myself. Yes, this is how I think and although I can’t put it out there verbally I can quite easily write it down because this way I won’t have to sit across from anyone and pretend to listen and care about how they think I'm wrong.

This isn’t my demise or my version of hitting rock bottom. It’s me. On my knees. Scratching, pulling and fighting my way out of the hole I’ve dug myself into.

I’ll let you in on a little secret, I hit rock bottom pretty often.

The Teeny Bopper Syndrome...

SO...you're 16 and just discovered that you want to "stand out" and be "different" because being mainstream is sooo totally not cool. Well here's my own personal guide to being a "Teeny Bopper"...FYI, these guys are the mother of all douche bags.

Dye a single strip in your fringe a totally "rad" colour

Buy Doc Martens in every colour possible (i like DMs but these guys ruined them for me)

Hayley Williams is your hero.

You listen to 30 Seconds to Mars because their music touches a deep and meaningful part of your tortured soul. When in actual fact it's because Jared Leto is soooooo hot!

You're confused about your sexual orientation, but in actual fact you're just pretending because it's not mainstream.

You and your girlfriend take pictures of eachother with a 12MP camera in your garden dressed up as hoes claiming you love photography and you are a photographer.

AND last but not least the piest de resistance...Edward Cullen is your idea of the perfect man.

Indie Men and Groteque Hair

So, last night between boredom and revision I decided to google the hottest men I could think of that were involved in rock music or just the industry. I noticed a correlation (naturally) of tattoos, t-shirts, jeans, and hair. However, it was the hair that caught my eye because I remember hair styles like long and shaggy and the mowhawk with crazy colours being the definition of rock'n'roll.

So, to my horror i came across...

Caleb Followill, frontman of Kings of Leon appears to be the main culprit and leading all the rock'n'roll men into an era of "ergh" hair. As much as love their music...I HATE the hair.

So i continued my google-ing to find hair that i believe to be the sexiest on a man...

Jared Leto - 30 Seconds to Mars

Dave Grohl - Foo Fighters/Nirvana

Kurt Cobain - Nirvana

Brandon Boyd - Incubus

That was not a nice way for me to introduce myself...
Hello, i'm obnoxious, vindictive, self loathing, egotistical, loud, and the definition of bitch.
Yes i've designed my blog all vintage-y and nice, but please don't be fooled for i shall i inflict my views of "half emptyness" upon this world...

Watch This Space
Or not.

Thanks.