Honesty is such a bitch.

I’ll be honest.

I never really understood the whole “Blogging Scene”. I remember starting this blog back in January because everyone else was doing it much like Facebook and Twitter. I’m a sucker for conforming, then hating myself for not ever trying to stand up for what I believe in. Anyway, I found my views evolving within the space of 9 months as I slowly entered a darker side to my personality and everything that once made me “me” became a patchwork of people, moments, and icons that began drifting in and out of my life. “Get to the point!” I here you say…ok, I imagine you think, because no one speaks to a monitor. The point my dearest reader is that I needed a place to express an emotion, feeling, thought or theory. Yes, I accept and have foreseen that I could easily just write a diary but for some reason, knowing that someone might actually read this motivates me to write. I needed a place to document myself so that this newly found version of “me” is like a checkpoint. If I ever make the mistake of doing what it is that I have been doing for the past 9 months again I can come back to this post and see that I was that obnoxious little girl that I once was and SHOULD always be.

I realise that what you have read until now, apart from my “Teeny Bopper Syndrome” and “men with bad hair” post (which, might I add, had entertained quite a few people in Potters Bar when it was written) may sound a little apocalyptic, annoying and any other word associated with a brat. It isn’t because I’m sat here trying to provoke some sort of emotion within you or make myself sound ow-so-cool, it’s because I’m having a conversation with myself. Yes, this is how I think and although I can’t put it out there verbally I can quite easily write it down because this way I won’t have to sit across from anyone and pretend to listen and care about how they think I'm wrong.

This isn’t my demise or my version of hitting rock bottom. It’s me. On my knees. Scratching, pulling and fighting my way out of the hole I’ve dug myself into.

I’ll let you in on a little secret, I hit rock bottom pretty often.